Lifestyles of the Kinky & Free

October 13, 2014

Let me first preface this by saying that nothing I’m saying is meant as a judgment to those who live any of the lifestyles that I came across this weekend. Observations only. Most of my experiences were not really the shock to my system that I expected, but that may be because I attended expecting any and everything, but with as much as an open mind as possible.

Also, there are no pictures or names being used. Many people don’t want their vanilla (“normal”) every day lives mixed with their alternate ones. I do my best to respect everyone by just issuing a blanket, no names-no pics policy.

Highway to DomCon ATL

Friday

Friday started off with my usual eight hours at work, though I ran over by thirty minutes doing a review of a file I worked on. Afterwards was the long drive to Atlanta. Every time I drive to Atlanta I’m reminded of why I hardly go. Traffic, crap-ass infrastructure–seriously who designed these f-you highways? My GPS was having a fit trying to get me to both locations, which of course led me to some dark roads in questionable neighborhoods. Again, fun times.

I ended up at the Sheraton Gateway (nice hotel) only to find that the convention had to be moved a week prior to the event due to a roof issue. I didn’t get that email. Fun times. The hassle of switching hotels, which included having to drive across town to the hotel where the convention was actually being held and reserving a room because the person on the phone was incompetent and told me that there were no available rooms, switching rooms and finally getting settled (around 11:30pm) ended with me falling asleep and skipping the trip to one of the dungeons.

Saturday

I woke up Saturday with a mission to see a few classes and attend a Munch. A Munch is typically a casual meeting for those in the BDSM community. Unfortunately, I missed the Munch which would have been nice as it had a few premier Black female ProDommes attending.

Instead, I ended up chatting up a few subs and a Titled Sir who was in attendance with his two slaves, one of which is also Titled. I also went roughly 18 hours without eating because self-care is apparently not my strong point. I bought a kilt and a corset, both of which I looooove!

I attended two classes before spending the rest of the day shadowing Sir V and asking questions. At some times I felt awkward because I felt like that person who couldn’t entertain herself at all. Total stalker, I know but he said he didn’t mind.

I rounded out the night at Dungeon Studios before making it back to the hotel and chilling outside with Sir V’s girls until 4am when I finally called it a night. Apparently I can’t hang because as I’m writing this, Sir V and his Titled slave just walked past me. They are just now going to bed…It’s almost 10am. Holy hell I would have been a MESS today if I had been awake that long.

Observations and What Not

As I said, this weekend was really about me observing what was going on and taking in the various interactions. I came into having a little knowledge of the various lifestyles I would encounter, but being aware of something and seeing it are two different things.

Body Image

One of the first things I noticed was the attitude towards body image. Though I knew this before attending, porn (bdsm or lifestyle in particular) is nowhere near the reality of what you will encounter. These are real people of varying ages, sizes and races. Positive body image (in regards to the general community) was a definite thing. While there are things that I don’t like about my body, I honestly never felt more free and beautiful than this weekend and it wasn’t because anyone was hitting on me or anything like that. It was just a vibe of those in attendance.

Also, ageism was absent. When I say there were people of all shapes/sizes, races and ages, I mean it.

Anyone who actually thinks that these conventions are made of the ultra hot porn stars only are sadly mistaken. The reality is, the general public (yes, look around you) like sex. Some of those same people are into kink and age is not a hinderance to enjoying various kinky lifestyles.

Classes

I took a bare hand class where I learned to administer a proper slap to the ass (or other appropriate areas), takedowns and a few chokes. I also had an enlightening class this weekend that was led by a female Domme and her Boy (it’s a title not derogatory) which showed me just how wrong my perception of male subs was.  Walking into the room there is this gorgeous bald-headed, 6’4″ tattooed guy sitting behind the table in the front of the room. Everything–and I mean everything–about him read Alpha male.

His Ma’am stood to the side wearing a nice button down and some wide leg trousers while rocking a multi-colored mohawk. His submission (to her) is of course a willing thing, but if you find him in any other arena of his life, you would never make the mistake of thinking that he was a sub. Rawr. Overall, I learned a lot in the class, though the most important thing I got was validation that there is a such thing as an Alpha sub.

Let me just say that coming into this con, I knew that my perception of male subs was wrong. The unfortunate thing about male subs is this view that they are all weak, spineless or otherwise effeminate. Even more unfortunate is the lack of representation of masculine–and yes, Alpha–male subs.

My next courses revolved around legal concerns that those in alternate lifestyles may face. Very informative class with a lot of things lifestylers to consider. I also took a class specifically addressing how neccessary it is to understand the needs of more chronologically mature lifestylers. That was an interesting perspective, especially since most of the class was made up of younger [aspiring] Doms/Dommes.

The final class I took before heading home was the whip class. That was fun even if I caught myself a few times with the whip. I’ll be ordering one as soon as my bank account recovers from the abuse of this weekend.

Overall Impression

This was a great experience for me–I woke up too early and stayed up far too late. I went in knowing only what I could know about myself and setting aside all of my preconceived notions that I had about what DomCon would and could be. I think this mindset helped save me from having a complete mental meltdown with some of the things I would have never been ready to process.

As I told one of the slaves over brunch on Sunday, I love research. When there is something I want to know, be it for personal or professional reasons, I won’t stop until I understand as much as I can.

As far as the writing research goes, I have a long way to go before I feel comfortable representing anything beyond generic information in that future series I spoke about.

As for the personal reason I went, I understand more what I’m looking for in the long term.I knew going in that I am Dominant. I also knew that I have a lot to learn, but more importantly I have a lot to consider for the time if and when I am ready to advance beyond recognizing what I identify as when it comes to BDSM. Having gone, I have a better grasp of my ideal self in the community and the ideal steps that I will need to take to make that happen.

Finally, I just want to say that I am eternally grateful to those who offered me knowledge, tips, and general friendship last weekend. It’s more than I expected which pretty much involved me having either a super awkward weekend or sitting in my room afraid of the perverted world outside my door. Glad it was neither.

 

 

2 responses to Lifestyles of the Kinky & Free

  1. 

    Cool! Open minded and very cool. I’m proud of u…. And what made u know u were a Dom? With all the overtly “Alpha” things in my life (combat, hand to hand fighting, shooting, and shit like that) I surprised myself when I got to the bedroom and realized I’m a lot happier as a Sub… But I can be a Dom if necessary… Smh. I’m confusing!

    • 

      Honestly, your situation is not entirely uncommon. In my day to day life, I’n no where near as bad ass as you are.
      I think I had to grow more comfortable in my dominance. For me it’s not just about being sexually dominant, but generally dominant. I used to think I had to smother that side of me, but now (with age) I’ve just become comfortable with being who I am. Anyone that doesn’t like it has to deal with that themselves.
      In the back of my mind I play with the idea that I could be a switch, but for now, I’m happy to crack the whip 🙂